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Cationary Tale of a Laker Girl
May 3rd, 2010 by Angela
Today's blog is a play in one act.
Scene: Central Park,New York City in May. Late afternoon. 85 degrees and not a trace of shade to be found. Angela (our heroine) has burnt her shoulders in an ill-advised strappy vest and needs to cover up pronto. Popping in Urban Outfitters, she picks up the only longish sleeved white t-shirt they have and nonchalantly pops it on over her vest.
Happily covered up, she takes the 6 down to Union Square and bags a table outside Coffee Shop, reading happily in the sunshine, waiting patiently and quietly for her friend, Jenny.
Enter Man From Street:
MFS: Yo, LAKER GIRL!
Angela: Sorry?
MFS points at Angela's t-shirt: Laker Girl!
Angela looks down and realizes shirt has a 1981-9182 LA Lakers logo on it.
Angela: Oh, right.
MFS: So, you see the game earlier?
Angela: The game?
MFS: Lakers, Jazz? Playoffs?
Angela: Ohhh. No. Did you win?
MFS: Did we win?
Angela: Um, yes?
MFS: What the f*ck do you mean did I win? You're the one in the Lakers shirt lady, you should know if we won.
Angela begins to wonder why she entertained talking to MFS in the first place.
Angela: I was just wondering...
MFS: You even know what the Lakers are, honey?
Angela Um, yes?
MFS: OK, what sport do they play?
Angela realizes people are watching, blushes and begins to make an awkward up and down bouncing motion with her hand.
Angela: Basket... basketball?
MFS: Right, let me guess. You're not a Lakers fan. You're not even a basketball fan. You just thought 'hey, that's a cute shirt! And if I wear that, maybe boys think I give a shit about sports and then they'll like me!'
Angela: Uh...
MFS: Well listen to me lady, if it were up to me, I'd take that goddamn shirt off your back right now and burn it. For real, I'd burn it before I let you walk around this goddamn city in it. Go buy some piece of Knicks shit and let that be your little fashion statement.
Angela: Wow. You know, I really just needed a white t-shirt-
Enter Jenny.
Jenny: Are you talking to my friend?
MFS: What's it to you?
Jenny: If you're talking to my friend, I'm going to have to kick your ass. Like, really, really kick your ass.
MFS: Oh really, really?
Angela: Jenny, really, don't...
MFS: Yeah, 'Jenny, don't'
Jenny gives MFS Care Bear Stare.
MFS: Pair of dumb bitches.
Angela: Woooooah
Jenny looks at MFS again. Jenny knees MFS in crotch.
MFS doubles over like a little girl.
Everyone outside Coffee Shop cheers.
MFS staggers away cursing.
Angela and Jenny get free drinks.
Scene.
And while free drinks at Coffee Shop are a fine thing, getting bawled out by a drunk man in the street just because wearing the shirt of a team and a sport you know absolutely nothing about really isn't worth it. That said, I'm not sure I haven't felt exactly the same way about girls in Williamsburg wearing vintage Def Leppard t-shirts.
Let this be a lesson to all of you...
Today's blog is a play in one act.
Scene: Central Park,New York City in May. Late afternoon. 85 degrees and not a trace of shade to be found. Angela (our heroine) has burnt her shoulders in an ill-advised strappy vest and needs to cover up pronto. Popping in Urban Outfitters, she picks up the only longish sleeved white t-shirt they have and nonchalantly pops it on over her vest.
Happily covered up, she takes the 6 down to Union Square and bags a table outside Coffee Shop, reading happily in the sunshine, waiting patiently and quietly for her friend, Jenny.
Enter Man From Street:
MFS: Yo, LAKER GIRL!
Angela: Sorry?
MFS points at Angela's t-shirt: Laker Girl!
Angela looks down and realizes shirt has a 1981-9182 LA Lakers logo on it.
Angela: Oh, right.
MFS: So, you see the game earlier?
Angela: The game?
MFS: Lakers, Jazz? Playoffs?
Angela: Ohhh. No. Did you win?
MFS: Did we win?
Angela: Um, yes?
MFS: What the f*ck do you mean did I win? You're the one in the Lakers shirt lady, you should know if we won.
Angela begins to wonder why she entertained talking to MFS in the first place.
Angela: I was just wondering...
MFS: You even know what the Lakers are, honey?
Angela Um, yes?
MFS: OK, what sport do they play?
Angela realizes people are watching, blushes and begins to make an awkward up and down bouncing motion with her hand.
Angela: Basket... basketball?
MFS: Right, let me guess. You're not a Lakers fan. You're not even a basketball fan. You just thought 'hey, that's a cute shirt! And if I wear that, maybe boys think I give a shit about sports and then they'll like me!'
Angela: Uh...
MFS: Well listen to me lady, if it were up to me, I'd take that goddamn shirt off your back right now and burn it. For real, I'd burn it before I let you walk around this goddamn city in it. Go buy some piece of Knicks shit and let that be your little fashion statement.
Angela: Wow. You know, I really just needed a white t-shirt-
Enter Jenny.
Jenny: Are you talking to my friend?
MFS: What's it to you?
Jenny: If you're talking to my friend, I'm going to have to kick your ass. Like, really, really kick your ass.
MFS: Oh really, really?
Angela: Jenny, really, don't...
MFS: Yeah, 'Jenny, don't'
Jenny gives MFS Care Bear Stare.
MFS: Pair of dumb bitches.
Angela: Woooooah
Jenny looks at MFS again. Jenny knees MFS in crotch.
MFS doubles over like a little girl.
Everyone outside Coffee Shop cheers.
MFS staggers away cursing.
Angela and Jenny get free drinks.
Scene.
And while free drinks at Coffee Shop are a fine thing, getting bawled out by a drunk man in the street just because wearing the shirt of a team and a sport you know absolutely nothing about really isn't worth it. That said, I'm not sure I haven't felt exactly the same way about girls in Williamsburg wearing vintage Def Leppard t-shirts.
Let this be a lesson to all of you...
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